"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
