We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
