I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
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Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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