I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
