Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
