benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
