I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize