She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
