I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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