hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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