bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
