You can't special order awesome
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
