he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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