I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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