Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
