just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
