He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
