Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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