You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So much rum. So many feels.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
