He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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