If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
