I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
