She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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