I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
