He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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