You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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