An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
