I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
