So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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