I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
