take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
