I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
