Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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