she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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