I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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