Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
