Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize