got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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