Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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