I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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