Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
