ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
