I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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