break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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