I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
