its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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