I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
