My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
