Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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