Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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