Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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