Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize