i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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