I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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