How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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