bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
