Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
