when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
