worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
