I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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