This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
