yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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