He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.