bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
