She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.