a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this